Imposters are a very dangerous thing. They creep into your life and begin to twist it from the inside out and soon, so soon, and so stealthily, you find that you have no idea what is real, what is not. They have you questioning your own mind; and how you must be way off, and don’t know a damned thing, and they begin to take over and try to wipe you clean of anything that resembles the truth you once knew and begin to turn dark all the lights in your mind, and then…you become them.
Imposters are a very dangerous thing. We find them in church standing in the pulpit and in the congregation offering you a hand to shake, and a smile to absorb. They walk in the streets, live in your house, drive in your car, and ruin your life.
Imposters are masters of disguise. They can look like your priest, pastor or minister, or even your brother and sister, and sometimes they look just like the many you married, and then when the mask comes off you wonder – now just who is it I have slept with because you certainly are not the man who I met so very long ago.
They come after you, stalk you, and say they will not live without you, after they threaten to kill you all the while dating their future wife. Go figure. They beat you because they love you, twist your mind because you need to be molded, they infiltrate our twelve step programs. They tell you just what you need to do to get sober or find recovery or some such like that, all the while, if you look in their eyes, you will see nothing, absolutely nothing, because that is all there is behind the imposter.
I believe that the imposters exist solely to create that which they cannot have. It is not necessarily about evil but more, perchance, about nothingness. The more nothing , the more they become, and if they become, then there is the one slight chance that they will be something, at last. Ha!
The joke is on you, and me, and the children, and everybody else that they grab to deform; they take things of beauty like love and life, and turn it into some cruel thing that cuts like a knife. Then it is no longer all right to make love to the man you love so very much, nor can we smile at any person simply because we want to, and nothing is good, and nothing is right, and everything then is up to us to create specifically for the imposter.
We must become what they deem correct since we have now become nothing, which makes them something. So continues the twisting of the minds. Now, if we are nothing and they now are something, somewhere deep inside cries the voice that says this is not right. Therefore, to make it right we must become something and what can we do – why we do what we have learned to turn to another make them into nothing…so we can become.
We have our abused spouses and children, tortured employees, stepped upon strangers, homeless who can’t get a single dime, indigents tossed out of hospitals, beating victims in prison, alcoholics in psych wards where they do not belong, and more twelve step programs than we could ever be aware of – all the result of the imposters wandering around unholstered.
Imposters are very dangerous things. Imposters are very dangerous people. They destroy things, they destroy lives, and I want nothing to do with imposters and fear for myself, for I know there is one inside.
For we all have it in us, it is ready to live, and it is ready to take over, and become. We all have a piece of us that is nothing, but nothing; yet inside we know we are something. Therefore, the joke once again, is on you, the joke is on me, and we need to arrest this thing within. I must become intimate with it, and truly see just how much nothing it really is. Perhaps in this way I can explain to my nothing exactly what nothing is, while I slowly become the something that God intended.
It is not about finger-pointing and seeing the other in their lies and deceit. It is all about arresting my own special nothing, and keeping it where it belongs. Perhaps it is there so I can recognize it when it comes out in others —not to match nor try to overcome – simply to acknowledge. Perhaps in that way we can help each other remind our imposter of their true essence of nothing.
~ julie sortor